Will I Trust Him?

Everytime my new baby sleeps longer than he should I start through the scenario of how I would react if I found that he had died during the night.  Who I would call first.  Who I would get them to call.  Who I would get to come over to help me with the other children.  This is something I have dealt with when all my children are babies.  Not only the babies though...I will from time to time think about what I would do if my older children died or if my husband died.  Always, it seems, in the immediate aftermath.  But then I think, will I trust the Lord?

You will notice that I use the word "will" instead of "would".  This is because I have to decide if I am going to live trusting the Lord now, in the moment, or if I am only going to "trust" him when things are hard.  My question to myself is, how can I trust the Lord in something as catastrophic as the death of a child or husband if I am not trusting him in my everyday stuff?  Do I rest in his sovereignty only when things are mildly tough?

In Proverbs we read:

3:3 Do not let truth and mercy leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart. 

3:4 Then you will find  favor and good understanding, 

in the sight of God and people. 

3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

and do not rely on your own understanding. 

3:6 Acknowledge him in all your ways,  

and he will make your paths straight. 

3:7 Do not be wise in your own estimation; 

fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 

3:8 This will bring healing to your body, 

and refreshment to your inner self

In this we see that if we bind truth and mercy around us and write them on our hearts (this means studying Gods word and memorizing scripture), trust the Lord with all our hearts, acknowledge him in all our ways, are not prideful by thinking we are wiser than we are,  fear the Lord, and turn from evil, we will gain a multitude of benefits.  We will find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and others, guidance in our walk of life that will make our paths strait, we will physically healthier*, and we will have consistent rejuvenation to our souls.  Now hear me, this is a big deal!  Favor in the sight of the Lord?  Guidance that will make our paths strait?  Physical health?  Rejuvenation for the soul?  These are huge things that we can attain by trusting God!  This is goooood news!  Very exciting stuff just within our grasp.  

I want to live in the good stuff not in fear.  As I read the word and commune with my Heavenly Father I find it easier and easier to live in the good stuff.  I still struggle at times in the day to day things in my life but there is hope for me yet.  I choose to trust.

Will you trust Him?

*A little note on the physically healthier comment.  I am referring to illness and physical repercussions of stress only.  Not anything else.  Research has shown how stress can cause many physical side effects as well as shortened life spans.  I feel that this is also the context in which the writer was referring also.  If you think otherwise please feel free to have a discussion with me. :D

He WON'T listen to me?!

The thoughts go wild in my head and presumptions become fact when I am frustrated with my Honey for not meeting an expectation I have, doing something that frustrates me, or hurting my feelings.  So I decide to let him know exactly how I feel about _______,  and how he can fix it.  The accusations and blame laying start to fly and tears start to flow.  He immediately becomes defensive. Though what I am saying may be valid, he doesn't hear me through the words and the tears seem like manipulation.

I began to think that there has to be a better way to communicate to my husband when something legitimate (or consequential) is really concerning me.  A way where he wouldn't disregard what I am saying because he felt what I saying was emotionally lead and manipulative.  I have prayed for wisdom about this and I believe God has given me a good "formula" to fallow when presenting an issue to my husband.

Here is my encouragment to you.

1. Examine yourself.  What is at the heart of the issue?  Why do you feel the way you feel?  How is it effecting you, the children, or others?  Make a list.   Write everything down and organize your thoughts. This will enable you to get to the heart of the matter so you can understand what is really going on in your heart.  And when discussing it with your sweetheart get to those points quickly.  He then will be able to understand clearly what the issue is, where you are coming from, and you won't lose him with a lot of unnecessary words.

2. How do you think the issue could be resolved?  Write down all the possible solutions to the issue.  This will also let him see that you have put thought into the issue and aren't just knee jerk responding.

3. Sit on this and pray!  Ask the Lord for wisdom.  Ask for opportunity to share with your husband.  Ask for your heart to be right,  full of love and kindness and for his to be ready to hear it.

4. Wait for the opportunity but be intentional about it.  If you've gotten the green light it is advisable to let him know before he leaves for work or at lunch "Hey there's something I'd like to talk about when we have time together after the kids go to bed or whenever".  Don't spring something on him right when he walks in the door, or when he is in the middle of wrestling with Jr.  Also, always a good idea after a meal.

5. When talking with him be clear and concise.  Don't cry if you can help it as it looks like manipulation.  Use "I" statements.  (I feel _____.  When you said/did this I felt ____.  This is my perception, could you clarify.  This is where I am at.)  Realize that your sweetheart maybe having knee jerk reactions to something you are doing and be willing to take some exhortation as well.  If you are respectful in your petitions to him he will likely hear what the real issue is and you then can work toward resolving it rather than continuing in wrong thinking and hurt feelings. 

I have done this with many important and not so important issues in my marriage and when I do this instead of responding negatively my Honey is better equipped to hear what I am saying and we are able to work towards a resolution.  Believe me, it took a little while before I got this down.  And I still fail, but the Lord is not done with me yet and I hope as I walk with Him I will be able to respond respectfully and lovingly more often than not.  I have also found that this works well in other relationships when I am faced with trying to work out an issue.

God bless you!

Introduction to the lady

I invite you in, have a seat, share some coffee or tea with me. Here's a little about me.

I gave my life to Christ in February 1990. It wasn't until September 1997 that I truly understood what that meant though and it was then that I started running hard after God and have not looked back since. My relationship with my Lord has given me true joy and peace that I never experienced in the earlier years of my life. I am forever grateful to Him of his love for me. My walk with the Christ has not been what one would call "A walk in the park." However, I would say that through the sanctifying process it has been incredibly freeing.

I have been married to my best friend, for over 11 years. We live in the beautiful state of Washington on the East side of the state in a beautiful valley. I have 5 children. David (9), Ruth (8), Wally (6), Manny (4), and Quinn (2). David and Ruth have Autism and Manny is on the spectrum. Wally is a highly sensitive child who is typically developing. Quinn seems to be typically developing but he is a very active tornado!  (In the interest of protecting my family because of my Honey's line of work and predators, I am not using real names.)

God has used my husband and children tremendously in the process of sanctifying me. They seem to be what He is going to use mostly in my life, lol. I hope to bring you some encouragement as I share my struggles and challenges and then how the Lord brings me through them and lifts me up to look more like Christ and less like me.