The 5 digit mouthwash.

I love my mouth.  It brings forth song, laughter, compassion, instruction, encouragement, and many other things.  However, occasionally I find, that it gets a 5 digit mouthwash.  This usually happens when the wisdom and self control switch get turned off and the mouth just keeps on moven'.  Open wide cause here comes the foot!  Can I get a do over?

This phenomenon occurred, yet again.  I often wonder if I'll ever learn (for the record, I think I will only improve but not fully recover).  Thankfully, my friend was kind enough to call me back and get some clarification.  As it turned out I had come across completely opposite of what I was really feeling.  As I was shoveling the driveway my thoughts began to move toward what she said rather than what I had said.

It is becoming more and more apparent to me that I am an avoider.  I avoid the things that are really hard for me until the repercussions of my avoidance becomes to big for me to ignore anymore.  Then the work load is, of course, 10x as much.  I have often asked the Lord when this behavior will cease.  When will I be the productive woman he wants me to be.  It is so hard to stop being selfish with my time and do ALL the things I know I should be doing.  I fail so often in this.  So what are the answers I am hearing?

It seems to me that my loving Father is reminding me that His mercies are new every morning.  His grace is sufficient for me.  Finally, that HE is the one that changes me and I need to just love him and serve him.  I get so caught up in what I need to do to please the Lord and all he is asking from me is the surrender of my life.  All of it, radical surrender.  That is the hard part.  Paul exhorts us in Romans:

12:1 Therefore I exhort you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a sacrifice – alive, holy, and pleasing to God ²  – which is your reasonable service.

The footnote from Netbible.org is this:

^"2 tn The participle and two adjectives “alive, holy, and pleasing to God” are taken as predicates in relation to “sacrifice,” making the exhortation more emphatic. See ExSyn 618-19.

sn Taken as predicate adjectives, the terms alive, holy, and pleasing are showing how unusual is the sacrifice that believers can now offer, for OT sacrifices were dead. As has often been quipped about this text, “The problem with living sacrifices is that they keep crawling off the altar.” (emphasis mine)

How often I crawl off the alter and try and do things my own way in my own strength...or not do what the Lord is asking me to do.  To radically surrender would be to never get off the alter.  Or jumping off the edge into the precipice and trust the Lord in where he will take me.  Will today be the day?  Will this moment be the moment? 

Lord help me to surrender my wants and desires to you this moment and every moment.  I beg you to help me give up my rights as I see them and serve you wholly, whatever that looks like.  I can not do this by my own volition.  You are the one who must change my heart to want what you want more than what I want.